numbers and sex

interesting things always happen when you least expect them to
i havnt posted i a while and sometimes when i am reading other peoples ljs i stop and wonder why
i wonder if i am not leaving myself enough time to well myself
things a very interesting latley
i moved again
thats nothing unusual
i find myself in a place that i have never been before
i wonder if it will last or if this is just my imagination playing tricks with my heart just to try and get at me one more time
i have discovered some things that i like and some things that i never want to try again
green apple cinnamon watermelon raspberry
there are things that i wonder things that i contemplate
i wonder if i wrote an admissions essay like this one time weather or not i would be accepted
people tell me that im great and that any where that i dont get in must be a terrible place and i would not have wanted to go there anyways just because i did not get in
but it is strange knowing that i ahve already surpassed my family
dreams
what are they and where can they truely take us
i have dreams
yet many tell me that to have these dreams is a false sense of hope because i can never accomplish them because of the way that i am and the very fact that i am unwilling to sell my sould just to gain them in the first place
a week has gone by
no movie yet
no snow in the horizon of the weeks yet to come
good old newport with its sunny weather that doesnt change year round
ive been here for a long time
wanting to get out
getting out and then getting pulled right back in
i dont like the color white
reminds me to much of an institution
guy got one point hugher on a test than me and then proceded to do a happy dance around the classroom
when asked what the reason for the dance was
he said simply i beat her
someone finally did it and it was me
i wonder why this sparked so much joy into this person
i do not wish to seem snooty
unlike my father has told me countless times
i do not wish to sound like i am full of myself either
sometimes i wonder
where am i going
what battles will i face
will i triumph
or ill i die in its place

where am i going
do i really know
do i have anychoice as to what the outcome is
sometimes i wonder
sometimes i wonder if everything that is happening is happening for a reason and theni stop becasue i know that it is
but what is this reason
what is the driving force behind all that exsits
what makes people search for love
what drives people to better themselves
what is it that makes people yearn for soemthing that they dont have
is there something out there that i am just not seeing
why have i met you
what good will come of it
how will we change each others lives
is there some other purpose behind that is not seen
will we have any effect on each other
or is it just another step in the journey of life
do we even matter
is there any point in even considering the we
or will you just leave me like everyone else
will you go back to her if she called
is there any true chance for us
would you turn from me if given the chance
should i give you everything or nothing
do you even want that much from me
how will i ever know if i dont ask you
but im afraid to ask
what will you think of me
will you think me weak
are you weak
do you need me like i need soemone
is there any point or purpose for us to be together
i want to be with you but do you want to be with me
will anything have to be given up for us to be together
will you change when your around me
will you be the same around our friends
what will be

i have a feeling that i am falling but in the best way and i dont think that iwant to get back up again
its interesting because i am not sure that i want to be here
but im not so sure that i dont
i mean it feels right
like it is suppossed to happen
but i like what is happening right now and i want it to continue
i want him to be here
i want to be romantic again i miss it
but i want the physical part as well
i want all of it
i want all that i can get out of it
and i want to be able to savor every moment so that ican remember it later
thus i find myself falling and i dont want to get up

woot woot for senior year but it is interesting i have already quit my job becasue i dont have enough time to do that but i wonder if it will jsut get better from here or if it will get worse but there are always things to look forward to liek the plays that are coming up i wonder if what i am doing is right leaving eventually i wonder where love will take me

i love the theatre it fills me with a sense of completion it has what i love and what i need it has life music and dance it is a place where i dont have to be myself i have to be someone else it is where i make myself a new past and become a new person it is a challenge that pushes a person to their limits and yet keeps them in check it is creativitiy constantly flowing it is food for the soul

boys boys boys why are they so confusing soemtimes it seems like it is and undeniable thing for peopel to be unable to understand the opposite sex

There are always good and bad things in life.
good:
i finally got the internet back
i am leaving this side of the country
i had an amazing church camp experience
i got two marriage propossals in one week
im a senior
i moved
i get a white christmas this year
bad:
alot of my friends are leaving or are already gone
i will be leaving soon
my uncle died the day after my grandma had a stroke
i only spent one day with a really amazing guy at camp
the guy that i love lives on the other side of the country
my phone was stolen two days before the end of school so i dont have alot of phone numbers now
i havenot been able to hang out with alot of my friends

i need another girls night

i think that it is interesting that i finally found a guy that i really like and can actually see myself with for a long time and it turns out that he lives in New Jersey.

yet i think that it is sort of better becasue this might help me break the habit of dating so many guys

i made it up to eight guys this last school year by the way if anyone wanted to know

anyways i think that it will help to tell if jacob and i are going to last becasue he is on the other side of the country but i will be going over there for christmas

this school year schould be interesting. im killing myself with classes

drama 4
drama production
tutor core
avid
media design
english 4
trig/ precal
ap gov
president of humanitarians of tomorrow
city council
hostes at mimis

i think that i need to do more than this lol oh how i do miss everyone

1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on you

There are alot of times that I wonder where I am going and why I am doing all of this work. I wonder if there is some greater purpose and what it is leading me to.
I think that guys dont make sense to me alot and yet I like hanging out with them mroe then I like hanging out with girls. I dont know where i am going in the world of guys and ys it is a world of its own.
There are some guys that I like but I think that if I try and go after them then eventually they might just go away instead of come closer, which would curse the whole plan in general.
So what to do? That is the question at hand.
Oh ya and i got a date to prom, im going with Pascal Julietts little brother.
laters...

So there are people at school that call me a witch. You know what i say to them " hey just because i do fire ceremonies, where well all dance around fires, does not make me a witch".